Tag Archives: third eye blind

Post-Game Analysis

The study and application of Game can do a lot for a male, especially as it pertains to pussy. Game can help a male overcome his crippling awkwardness around females. It can help him mask his creepy nature effectively enough to remove panties that otherwise would have remained lodged in an asscrack. Game, at its best, helps males genuinely develop the confidence necessary to procure pussy at will.

Game, however, cannot turn a male into a man.

If you dedicate yourself to mastering the technique of the armbar, but learn nothing else whatsoever about martial arts or fighting, then put on a Tapout t-shirt and walk into an octagon… are you a fucking mixed martial artist? Are you a rostered UFC fighter? No. You’re the creep that’s obsessed with armbars but couldn’t be bothered to round out any other aspects of the fight game – or life in general, for that matter. The fighters don’t want anything to do with you. The fans don’t want anything to do with you. And fucking Joe Rogan doesn’t want anything to do with you.

But hey, you deserve credit for your armbar skills. Not everyone has that.

Just as mastering the armbar doesn’t make someone an MMA fighter, getting pussy doesn’t make a male a man. The armbar is part of MMA. Getting pussy is part of being a man. It’s the part Game can help you with. But, in the absence of vagina, are you useful and fun to have around? Do you have anything to say for yourself? If I ask you to throw me the remote, can you hit me in the numbers or are you gonna limp wrist it errantly across the room and knock the framed picture of my nuts off the wall? I know you’re a so-called heterosexual based on your newfound ability to bang chicks, but that right there was the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not mitigating the importance of pussy. Pussy is the meaning of heterosexual male existence, so as long as you can get it, life could always be worse. But with the rise of Game as a teachable science and the ensuing rise of formerly unsexed creeps’ ability to spread a little seed, many of these studious males are waltzing through the world under the false impression that they are men.

Dude, congratulations. You’ve gained consensual entrance to Giney Town. But if you’re the guy that spent his high school years wondering why none of your crushes would fuck you for presenting them with unsolicited mix CDs, and you’ve committed all your time since then to web-based Game research, then I’m guessing you’ve never found time to participate in a real life ball game. Which begs the question, what would that 9 you brought home say if she knew her quadriplegic sister had a better arm than you? Or that listening to Third Eye Blind still makes you emotional? Until you round out your inherited maleness into full-fledged manhood, you’ll always have that hole in your testicular soul telling you that you don’t deserve to fuck what you’re fucking if it’s over a 5.

How will you fill the hours, days, and years of your life that don’t involve pussy? Thus far, you’ve dedicated those hours to Game study. It’s paid off, as evidenced by the sores on your dick, but your lack of authentic man-ness makes you repulsive for men to be around. There’s a lot you’ve missed in your meticulous study of vaginal procurement techniques. In mastering the ability to feign a personality in front of women, you’ve failed to learn and/or develop:

  • A genuine personality
  • A sense of humor
  • How to communicate with men
  • How to shake a man’s hand
  • How to punch a man in the face
  • How to react when punched in the face by a man
  • How to fuck
  • How to fuck while operating a motor vehicle
  • How to grill meat
  • How to fuck while grilling meat
  • How to throw a ball
  • How to catch a ball
  • How to incorporate athletic equipment into fucking
  • How to not look like a special needs adult when you run
  • How to hit a nasty curve with two strikes on you in an unnecessarily competitive game of wiffle ball
  • When to hold ‘em
  • When to fold ‘em
  • When to walk away
  • When to run

You’ve integrated your penis with vagina. A commendable achievement. Now it’s time to integrate your testicles with your personality. Start by deleting your Third Eye Blind mp3s. Do it now, before I lock you into a killer armbar I learned on the internet.