I started a post on this months ago but took it to Twitter instead, where I detailed some memorable elementary school erections in 140 characters or less:
A few others joined the stroll down boner memory lane as well:
Lately, I’ve eliminated porn and masturbation, and as my dick has resultantly begun inducing involuntary hip thrusts toward any inanimate object with feminine contours, it’s got me feeling like a kid again. A kid confused about the relentless desire to stick his dick in any potential receptacle. So why not update my boner archive through middle school?
6th Grade: Water balloon fight. Soaking wet girls. Closest thing to naked I’ve ever seen. Whoa. Jen’s getting tits. And I’m getting a wet boner. Wet clothing is enemy to boner concealment. Maybe if I lie on the ground and pretend I got hit in the stomach it’ll go away. Oh come on! Who knew raw earth felt this good?
7th Grade: Sleepover party. Lights out. Top bunk boner. Better grind this thing out so it goes away. What the… did I just freakin’ piss myself? Congratulations young me, you’ve officially dispatched your first load. Faces await you…
8th Grade: Back of math class. Stacks of adolescent ass. Full-time puberty boner. Masturbatory cognizance. What if I… Jizz won’t show through boxers and black jeans, will it? Only one way to find out. Turns out – no. Thank the sperm gods. Or maybe Levi Strauss. I wonder if Levi ever rubbed one out down the leg of his own copper-riveted trousers. Either way, this felt wrong. Good, but… still wrong. It will be my first and last foray in public autoeroticism.
Life becomes a nonstop stream of self-induced ejaculate once high school rolls around, rendering individual boners far less memorable. But I did pay tribute to the inspiration for the bulk of my freshman year’s discharge here.
I now invite everyone – at least those possessing male genitals – to share their cherished boner memories.
February 25th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
10th Grade. ‘Girlfriend’ at the time and her three friends were giggling about boners. They challenged each other to give me a boner so I got a lap-dance from 3 adolescent girls.
Best. Boner. Ever.
February 25th, 2013 at 2:35 pm
So glad your posting again! 9th grade, five minutes before class let out. massive chubb insues. tuck it under books and walk out to next class, walk by three buddies who want to high five me, i try to one hand it and end up droping my books, exposing boner, friends play it cool, but alot of girls saw my little hulkster.
February 25th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
7th grade church youth group dance. Innocent Christian dance moves turn to grinding while parent supervisors go for smoke. Grind; immediate pulsating prepuberty boner. Does the girl like it? Parents of friend catch us by surprise as erotic confusion turns to terror. Shoot left hand into pocket to grasp and conceal now-sideways-pointing boner, tip slightly moist against boxers. Confessed this weeks later, wonder if I passed boner baton on to listening priest.