
“Fascinating. So when’s that business skirt coming off?”
What do your vagina and asshole look like? Why are you not removing the garments on your lower body to show me what your vagina and asshole look like right now? Keep talking, that’s fine, whatever. But I need you to matter-of-factly remove your pants, turn around, and pull your asscheeks apart into a full spread. I am perplexed as to why you’ve not done this yet. I genuinely desire to know what the entire layout of your junk looks like. Just overall, what are we dealing with? Is it clear-cut? How’s the upkeep? Hey, it’s mid-week, I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect to find out. Have you been out of the game for a couple of weeks? Month maybe? Is the stubble transitioning back into full-blown pubes? It might still be manageable… but I’m going to need to see… right now. Let’s talk color. Please have a pink vagina. Please. Don’t ruin all of this with a set of blown-out, blackened, external vagina lips. Unless you’re black. Then everything can match. Otherwise, no dark stuff. But please be tucked in. Show it to me. Now. Just show me it. Jesus. Show me that it’s tucked in. If it’s not tucked in, we have nothing left to discuss. I’m proceeding under the assumption that your vagina is pink and tucked in. And not poisonous. Don’t poison and/or kill me with your vagina. Let’s move past that thought. Is your asshole pink or not? I want your asshole to be pink. I think your asshole is pink. With no hair. Don’t do anything to change what I’m thinking right now. Please just have a pink, inviting anus. I want to spend time with the anus I imagine you have, so just have that exact anus. Simply match your entire vagina and asshole to the picturesque vag-anal landscape in my mind and I will continue to treat you with near-human decency.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:50 pm
somehow utb, you have just read my mind everyday at work.
February 23rd, 2013 at 11:08 am
This reminds me of the delicioustacos post “Lunch Break Diary: What’s on Your Mind”.
February 24th, 2013 at 10:52 pm
Actually, I originally left this as a comment @ DT but posted it here because I’m fucking lazy.
February 25th, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Fucking awesome. Pink vagina, pronounced labia minora. Pink anus as well. That’s where it’s at.
February 26th, 2013 at 11:06 am
Years ago I had plans to start a site on the interwebs, pinkorbrown.com, where the proletariat could vote on what color they believed various celebrity dingbats’ hoops were. My inspiration was an old Derita Sisters and Junior song, “Pink or Brown”:
http://www.discogs.com/DeRita-Sisters-And-Junior-The-We-Did-Not-Ask-To-Be-Born/release/2816184
I didn’t start it, obviously, but over the years, I’ve forced my (pink) wife to give me her educated opinion on every one of her friends’ puckered starfishes. The more feminist ones are usually guessed to be brown.
I’m glad you’re writing again, Professor Unleash.