Pair O’ Texts

I’d like to share with you two entirely unrelated text messages I received last night, each from a different, close friend. I will do nothing to contextualize the messages. Just read them, and be glad I keep the company of individuals of unparalleled moral character:

Text 1:

May 14, 11:18 pm

Gonna bring this girl home whose legs look like a couple of tackling dummies. She’ll prob eat my dick, or my asshole out. She’s puerto rican.

Text 2:

May 15, 12:01 am

Hymens are gonna get shattered

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