I’d like to share with you two entirely unrelated text messages I received last night, each from a different, close friend. I will do nothing to contextualize the messages. Just read them, and be glad I keep the company of individuals of unparalleled moral character:
May 14, 11:18 pm
Gonna bring this girl home whose legs look like a couple of tackling dummies. She’ll prob eat my dick, or my asshole out. She’s puerto rican.
May 15, 12:01 am
Hymens are gonna get shattered